Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Year Five
So many things have changed in the last five years. My children have grown up with mostly memories of their Uncle Carl where there should have been time to make more new memories. I wish he was here to help me make sense of things. People always seemed to listen to him better than to me.
History always seems to repeat itself. People don't really change. They tend to make the same errors again and again their entire lives. AT least Carl will not have those pains to suffer. He will be forever the best in my memories.
History always seems to repeat itself. People don't really change. They tend to make the same errors again and again their entire lives. AT least Carl will not have those pains to suffer. He will be forever the best in my memories.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
09/22/2009
It was four years ago today that Carl died. I like to imagine him and my uncle Carl, his namesake, together somewhere fishing and sharing a good time.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
September 22, 2007
It is three days away.
Nearly two years have passed. It seems as if no time has passed in my heart. It is easier to get through a day without thinking of my little brother, but no less painful as I do. I mark the time by the growth of my children and wonder how Carl would have loved seeing them grow. I know how much he would love to go to the football games and watch my olderst son, Andrew, play trumpet in marching band. He would have gotten the biggest kick out of playing drums with Joshua. In a lot of ways I think they may be kindred spirits.Hope would just have her Uncle Carl wrapped around her finger.
I have to wonder how his friends are doing? In many ways Carl chose them as his "family" of choice. Being with and doing things with his friends was his life. He would do things for his friends that would go above and beyond what a "rational" person, e.g. ME, might do! lol BUt wasn't that what made him so special.
When he was a little boy, he never met a stranger. He attacked life with a giggle and a smile that as an older sibling I would envy. He LOVED life and every thing in it. Yet he never tried to be overbearing with his love of life. If you didn't want to enjoy life and you were around him, no problem. He was more than willing to have a good enough time for the both of you.
My little brother wasn't perfect. He almost never made up his bed. His logic? "I'll be sleeping in it again so why waste the effort." He also was not one ment to rise early. But I may have to give him a pass on this because he also wasn't one to go to bed until "plenty past twelve" either.
As football season begins this year, and if you happen to be watching a game and find yourself wishing that you could hear his quips about "this" or "that" during the game, call him. You can dial with your heart or with your phone. He is always there. He's never gone. Inside our hearts he still lives on.
So when you read this. Think of Carl's laugh, his infectious smile and sense of humor. Remember how MUCH he loved you and that so long as you rember him and share your stories and feelings with others who loved him too, he will be with you always.
Nearly two years have passed. It seems as if no time has passed in my heart. It is easier to get through a day without thinking of my little brother, but no less painful as I do. I mark the time by the growth of my children and wonder how Carl would have loved seeing them grow. I know how much he would love to go to the football games and watch my olderst son, Andrew, play trumpet in marching band. He would have gotten the biggest kick out of playing drums with Joshua. In a lot of ways I think they may be kindred spirits.Hope would just have her Uncle Carl wrapped around her finger.
I have to wonder how his friends are doing? In many ways Carl chose them as his "family" of choice. Being with and doing things with his friends was his life. He would do things for his friends that would go above and beyond what a "rational" person, e.g. ME, might do! lol BUt wasn't that what made him so special.
When he was a little boy, he never met a stranger. He attacked life with a giggle and a smile that as an older sibling I would envy. He LOVED life and every thing in it. Yet he never tried to be overbearing with his love of life. If you didn't want to enjoy life and you were around him, no problem. He was more than willing to have a good enough time for the both of you.
My little brother wasn't perfect. He almost never made up his bed. His logic? "I'll be sleeping in it again so why waste the effort." He also was not one ment to rise early. But I may have to give him a pass on this because he also wasn't one to go to bed until "plenty past twelve" either.
As football season begins this year, and if you happen to be watching a game and find yourself wishing that you could hear his quips about "this" or "that" during the game, call him. You can dial with your heart or with your phone. He is always there. He's never gone. Inside our hearts he still lives on.
So when you read this. Think of Carl's laugh, his infectious smile and sense of humor. Remember how MUCH he loved you and that so long as you rember him and share your stories and feelings with others who loved him too, he will be with you always.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
When I think Of Carl
When I think of you
I will always hear you laughing
When I think of you
I'll see the twinkle in your eyes
When I think of you
I'll think of what we did together
When I think of you
I'll never say "Goodbye"
Monday, August 21, 2006
Eleven Months Ago
Today is August 21st. It has been 11 months. Hard to believe that one day leads into another and together they add up to nearly a year without Carl. I spent part of Sunday with my parents. My mother has decorated the house with photos of Carl everywhere. In her way I think she is trying to make it impossible to forget Carl. I wish she knew that I will never forget him and neither will anyone else.
It does make it hard not to feel sad. Every photo of him smiling and laughing is a reminder that we will never hear his laugh again. We will never hear his wisecracking. We will never see him swing his thumb to his forehead after letting go of a loud blech and shout" you ate it!" It is only natural that someone so full of life would leave such a large hole in ours now that he is gone.
I wonder sometimes if life will ever be back to what would be considered normal. I don't think it ever will. My mother and sister have virtually stopped time in a sence in their need to hold on to Carl. They loved him so very much. It just hurts me to think they they may stop living because he has. Thats something I know he wouldn't have wanted.
He was always so carefree. He could be ascerbic sometimes, but in a way and with a sweetness that you could become addicted to like lemonaide on a hot Summer day. Carl always was the cure for others when they were down. He was like that from the day he was born.
He was born with a heart murmer and a respratory problem. My parents never told my sister and I this till many years later. I guess that is why he was protected so much as he was growing up. That and because he was the "baby" of the family. He was the family jokester. Carl more than any of us could make my Dad laugh. He could make my sister and Mom laugh too. That was his talent.That is a gift we all will miss.
I miss Carl. I love Carl. I will never forget nor shall I stop aching to hear his voice on the phone saying "I love you very much."
It does make it hard not to feel sad. Every photo of him smiling and laughing is a reminder that we will never hear his laugh again. We will never hear his wisecracking. We will never see him swing his thumb to his forehead after letting go of a loud blech and shout" you ate it!" It is only natural that someone so full of life would leave such a large hole in ours now that he is gone.
I wonder sometimes if life will ever be back to what would be considered normal. I don't think it ever will. My mother and sister have virtually stopped time in a sence in their need to hold on to Carl. They loved him so very much. It just hurts me to think they they may stop living because he has. Thats something I know he wouldn't have wanted.
He was always so carefree. He could be ascerbic sometimes, but in a way and with a sweetness that you could become addicted to like lemonaide on a hot Summer day. Carl always was the cure for others when they were down. He was like that from the day he was born.
He was born with a heart murmer and a respratory problem. My parents never told my sister and I this till many years later. I guess that is why he was protected so much as he was growing up. That and because he was the "baby" of the family. He was the family jokester. Carl more than any of us could make my Dad laugh. He could make my sister and Mom laugh too. That was his talent.That is a gift we all will miss.
I miss Carl. I love Carl. I will never forget nor shall I stop aching to hear his voice on the phone saying "I love you very much."
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