Eleven Months Ago

Today is August 21st. It has been 11 months. Hard to believe that one day leads into another and together they add up to nearly a year without Carl. I spent part of Sunday with my parents. My mother has decorated the house with photos of Carl everywhere. In her way I think she is trying to make it impossible to forget Carl. I wish she knew that I will never forget him and neither will anyone else.

It does make it hard not to feel sad. Every photo of him smiling and laughing is a reminder that we will never hear his laugh again. We will never hear his wisecracking. We will never see him swing his thumb to his forehead after letting go of a loud blech and shout" you ate it!" It is only natural that someone so full of life would leave such a large hole in ours now that he is gone.

I wonder sometimes if life will ever be back to what would be considered normal. I don't think it ever will. My mother and sister have virtually stopped time in a sence in their need to hold on to Carl. They loved him so very much. It just hurts me to think they they may stop living because he has. Thats something I know he wouldn't have wanted.

He was always so carefree. He could be ascerbic sometimes, but in a way and with a sweetness that you could become addicted to like lemonaide on a hot Summer day. Carl always was the cure for others when they were down. He was like that from the day he was born.

He was born with a heart murmer and a respratory problem. My parents never told my sister and I this till many years later. I guess that is why he was protected so much as he was growing up. That and because he was the "baby" of the family. He was the family jokester. Carl more than any of us could make my Dad laugh. He could make my sister and Mom laugh too. That was his talent.That is a gift we all will miss.

I miss Carl. I love Carl. I will never forget nor shall I stop aching to hear his voice on the phone saying "I love you very much."